In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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