Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
