Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
