and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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