i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
