I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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