I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The air taste purple.
Randomize
