He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
