Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
