You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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