You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We left an ass print on the piano.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
