So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
