What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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