I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
