i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
