dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
