I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
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the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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