If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
