OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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