i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you will always have a special place in my vag
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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