talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
