My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
