hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
