So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I need to align my fucking chakras
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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