I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
