She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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