Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
