I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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