he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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