were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
