I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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