I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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