I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
