just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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