he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
