It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my vag is so smooth its legendary
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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