There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
