Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
