I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
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Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
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My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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