The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
