Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
