The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
