Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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