i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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