that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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