do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
