if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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