I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
