You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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