I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Randomize
