i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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