he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
