The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
