i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
