i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
