i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
