I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
