when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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